I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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