So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
