Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
