shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
