Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
