how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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