fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
