Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
