just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
