the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
