weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
