omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
