so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
