my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
