i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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