the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
