I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
