we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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