I hope mine doesn't look like that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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