exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
