i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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