Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
