Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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