What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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