that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
