You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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