Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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