He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
