I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
