I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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