Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
