I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
