What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
