4 words: hood of his car
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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