I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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