Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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