Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
