so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
