Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
