So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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