Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
