we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
