New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
