well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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