I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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