I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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