I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
