I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
