we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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