i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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