i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
