i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
