okay pat passed out under dana's car
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
